


What A Time

by iwannalovebucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Breakup, F/M, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Break Up, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, based on a Julia Michaels Song, sad Steve, sad you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 16:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19872787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannalovebucky/pseuds/iwannalovebucky
Summary: Memories can be haunting.





	What A Time

**Author's Note:**

> Based on What A Time by Julia Michaels ft. Niall Horan

> _I feel a little nauseous and my hands are shaking_

Steve didn’t really know what he was supposed to be doing. Tony told him you were coming. Well, you were already there. Tony invited you. Why the fuck would he do that? He knew Steve wasn’t over you. Everyone knew it, even if he didn’t talk about you, everyone just kind of.. knew. And Steve knew that they knew. That Tony knew.

Still, he made you come here. Tony probably thought Steve should just grow a pair and face the reality of not having you in his life anymore.

>   
>  _I guess that means you’re close by_

“Just saw her downstairs,” Bucky mumbled into his drink right next to Steve. He knew that Steve would not deal well with seeing you again so he chose to stay close by.

Steve wanted to brace himself for seeing you, like he used to brace himself before a punch in a dark alley. _Plant yourself like a tree._ That’s what he wanted to do. Stand there, unwavering, ready to see you. He knew it would feel like a bullet in his guts, he just always thought it wouldn’t come. He never expected you to show up to shoot him. But he was wrong. He had been wrong about a lot of things. 

> _  
> My throat is getting dry and my heart is racing_

The anticipation was almost worse than the quiet before the storm. That was because it wasn’t quiet at all. Everyone around him was talking, laughing, buzzing; his mind overflowing with sounds and thoughts to the point he thought his skull was going to burst open.

>   
>  _I haven’t been by your side  
>  In a minute, but I think about it sometimes_

You walked through the door and it was just like the first time Steve had ever seen you. Steve always compared it West Side Story when he described it to other people – when Tony sees Maria for the first time everything just blurs, he can see nothing but her. All the noise around Steve suddenly stops; he can only see you laughing at something your friend said, a hand brushing through your hair. And for a moment – just for a second – he feels himself moving towards you, to hug you, hold you, kiss you – love you. But then his mind snaps back and he realizes what he’s been doing.

You are not with him. You haven’t been in some time. And he still thinks about holding you, long after he has last felt your skin on his.

>   
>  _Even though I know it’s not so distant_

He knew that he could just.. do it. He could walk over and touch your arm to grab your attention. He could talk to you. He could see you up close. There were so many things he could do, so many things he _wanted_ to do.

You were right there. Where Steve wanted you to return to one day.

>   
>  _Oh, no, I still wanna reminisce it_

“Go and talk to her.”

Steve had totally forgotten Bucky was even there.

“I think I’ll just stay here.”

Steve was scared of many things. But he was always brave enough to face them anyway. Talking to you again wasn’t one of them.

> _I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark  
>  And we stayed up for hours_

So he stayed there, watching you. It was weird, he knew that. And he tried not to do it. Tried looking away, thinking about something else but he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to you.

And even though Steve had been trying to do exactly that for a long time it still felt like a surprise to him. So he did what he had been doing ever since you broke up.

He thought about that one time you took him to the park, just to sit outside and watch the city that never sleeps stay up.

> __  
> What a time, what a time, what a time  
>  You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever  
> What a time, what a time, what a time  
> For you and I  
> What a time, what a time  
> For you and I

What would he give for you to hold him like you did that night. Every night. If he could just feel you touch him like that one more time. Just once.

> _I know we didn’t end it like we’re supposed to  
>  And now we get a bit tense_

You had been dreading the moment you would see Steve again. You never talked properly about why you broke up, you simply decided that you would and then you did. It was weird. Weird explaining that to people. Weird thinking about it. Weird having to deal with.

But you came here so you could resolve this. Not to talk to him but to prove to yourself that you could deal with this, with him, with being without him. You wanted to prove it to yourself even though you knew it wouldn’t work.

But you both liked lying to yourselves.

> _  
> I wonder if my mind just leaves out all the bad parts  
>  I know we didn’t make sense_

Looking at him you were just reminded of all the romantic, sweet little things he did for you. Massages. Flowers. Cooking. Movies. He was everything you wanted. And you knew that wasn’t true. Would he have been all you wanted, you would not have let your relationship end like that. But you didn’t want to think about the bad things. You didn’t want the bad things. You just wanted Steve.

> __  
> I admit it that I think about it sometimes  
>  Even though I know it’s not so distant  
> Oh, no, I still wanna reminisce it

He was there. You knew he would be. But you wouldn’t talk to him just like he didn’t wanna talk to you either.

So both of you just stood there, glancing, staring at each other from time to time, trying not to overthink like you usually did.

> _I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark  
>  And we stayed up for hours_

If only you could stay up with him again. Stand on the balcony and watch the city again. No sleep, no missing out. More time for love.

>   
>  _What a time, what a time, what a time  
>  You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever_

If only he would hold you again. Wrap his arms around you and keep you safe. Sage from the pain. Safe from the future. Save from everyone.

> __  
> What a time, what a time, what a time  
>  For you and I  
> What a time, what a time  
> For you and I
> 
> _For you and I_  
>  For you and I  
> For you and I  
> What a time, what a time for you and I  
> What a time for you and I, yeah  
> What a time, what a time for you and I

It was nice. Soft. Warm. Secure. Like love is supposed to be. It was the best time of your lives. Until it wasn’t.

> _I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark  
>  And we stayed up for hours_

He wanted it back. He wanted you back.

>   
>  _What a lie, what a lie, what a lie_

But that was not going to happen.

>   
>  _You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever_

Steve always told youhow he wanted you. Only you. For the rest of his life.

>   
>  _What a lie, what a lie, what a lie_

But still, he left you. All the time. When you needed him. The world needs Captain America. But you needed Steve.

Apparently he didn’t need you.

>   
>  _For you and I  
>  What a lie, what a lie  
> For you and I_

You were good. Good at pretending like things were going to work out. Like you were going to work out. It was a good time. But it ended.


End file.
